blah blah blah...

I first heard Enya in my Art class in ninth grade, and I thought the song said "Stay Away"

There's nothing a good ass-wuppin' can't fix

I like American Music

There's nothing quite like reaching for a light switch in the dark above your sink and brushing a half-out plug in an electric socket instead

Windows are down, drive by*

Always stretch

Ramen noodles are cheap, so have some fun with them

Michael Jordan is still good, but his team is so good now that he doesn't have to dominate

Don't intimidate people, don't do anything you might have to lie about, and be optimistic

"Check it out," is one of the few modern slang phrases inspired by librarians

There are lots of fine women in the world, but they won't all bring you lasagna at work, most of them will just cheat on you

7% of all US citizens in the work force have worked for McDonalds

6.66% of all US citizens first job was at McDonalds

100% of my first jobs were at McDonalds

Statistics is easier than pi.

Never assume anyone you know is stupid, but do assume everyone you don't know is

Washington University isn't in Washington, it's in St. Louis

If you ever come across $25,000, you should make a movie as good as Clerks

Bikes don't do you any good if they're locked to other bikes

You never know how much you use your left ankle until you can't

People are more fun than a cracked pelvis

Everybody needs a place to sit

It's amazing that some things actually work

Glow in the dark isn't all it's cracked up to be

Duck tape doesn't exist

Light switches are always up when they're on (unless that's when they're off)

Life isn't like a box of chocolates, because a box of chocolates can't have sex

If I knew how to write a CGI, I would, and now I do

I would say even a rodent is more like life than a box of chocolates

Things are funny if they keep on coming up, no matter what they are

No more physics*

20,000 tons of TNT is the same as the bomb dropped on Nagasaki

But, 1 ton of TNT can't even blow up a whole building

I own an Amiga, but I like macs and PCs just as well

If my last name were Lee, I woud name my kids things so that their whole names would be adverbs

We should have killed Saddam

I don't want to die, though

I'm talking right down to earth in a language everyone can easily understand

Artificial intelligence is all around us, every day

I'm willing to do it

Go team*

Sometimes I feel like a nut, but I'm not gay

If you write a song, try not to make the same word rhyme with itself, because that makes people lose all respect for you as an artist

Peeing in your bed will probably make people lose all respect for you as anything else

I have a five-gallon tank of pennies, that has about $10 in it

My pennies don't even go up an inch

Dimes are worse

Chemistry, Eskimos, and Insurance companies are all on the same page in my book

Tweeny Roxana Kau gets her own chapter in my book

I can think of lots of things to fear other than fear

Chris Columbus has directed three of the top ten box office comedies of all time

Comedians are only good if they can make you laugh while keeping a straight face themselves

The Maxx sold out

I can, like, totally afford all this cheese

Harvey Mudd College is the hardest college in the world (arguably), and it isn't that hard

Things probably get easier after college

I sure would like going clothes shopping more if everyone had to do it naked

Anything else?

* said in sleep