PEPSI CHALLENGE!
This is your chance to participate in something BIG! Let me tell you the story so far...My girlfriend, Tweeny, received a promotional t-shirt recently, from some radio station visiting her campus. It was a nice shirt, very bright and colorful, adorned with myriad Pepsi logos! Tweeny thought it was a very funny shirt, and told me that she wanted Ajay to have it (she remembered him wearing a "Hasta La Vista, Baby!" shirt of similar taste). And so, I gave it to him, and to be nice he even wore it one day. He then tucked it away into his closet, to be forgotten. Until..
Some say it was evil from the beginning, put on this earth to destroy mankind, other schools of thought believed it was the lack of use that drove the shirt insane. Any way about it, everyone agrees that the world would be a better place without this hideously viscious fashion article. You see, one day a group of Ajay's friends were hanging around in his room, perhaps a little too close to the closet, but how could they suspect? The pepsi shirt sprung out and attacked them all, claiming Zack as it's first of many victims!
Panic ensued, and were it not for my level-headed photojournalism, with the help of Amy's camera, the unparalleled carnage which followed might have never been documented, and the world might not have been warned.
Perhaps the carnage wouldn't have become so wide spread if the shirt hadn't carjacked that jeep. But there is no point in speculating. We must tell of what did happen, not what might have happened. As it was, the shirt went on a terror spree throughout the claremont colleges we all called home.
What was really insidious about TPS (my nick name for "The Pepsi Shirt") was how it would bend the psyche of the host it preyed upon. Originally normal people like Brock and Dan would transform into partial freaks like Ryan and Cory, before finally breaking down completely into drooling maniacs like this freak, this Travis, and this Hans.
I witnessed the same horrible transformation everywhere as I chased down TPS in it's reign of massacre. Poor Jen was reduced to a sniveling mess on the floor, and Georgia was stripped naked by the vile fabric being. TPS then used it's gogon-like skills on such unsuspecting passerby as Scott, Kim, Billy, and even normally stalwart Riyad, whose cement state drove Georgia to SCREAM!
It wasn't only Mudders who were in danger from the wiley shenanigans of TPS... a Pitzoid and a Scrippsie were only a few of the other area students assaulted. Grown men like Jason and Zach were driven to beat their heads against reinforced concrete walls whilest under its influence! Scientists realized the dire consequences of leaving this menace unchecked, and attempted to develop an antibiotic that would destroy TPS. Two attempts, tested on Ging Ging and Mo were obviously unsuccessful, and TPS ran free again.
By now I was weary of my chase and decided to rest my feet at This Little Pizza Place. I was horrified by the photos I took while on my "break." TPS had infiltrated the establishment and gotten to not only the employees, but had even gotten a customer to wear a skirt! The mad mad things that an individual would do while under the influence of the TPS still did not cease to astonish me.
I now knew that it would require more than my solitary efforts to contain this beast. So I assembled a crack squad consisting of Simon, Jeff, Kara, Seth, and Stacey to assist me in my fight. But, before the night was over they had all been reached by TPS, and I guess as a testament to its sick humor, transformed into stuffed gorillas! Doesn't it ever sleep?
An answer to that question came to me faster than I expected. As I wept over the plush bodies of my fallen comrades I noticed something.. TPS had stopped to rest on a lamp shade, and had apparently tried to disguise itself as Ninja Boy. But I knew better than to attempt a solo capture, and I now leave it up to you, the reader, to decide who SHOULD make it their life mission to hunt and destroy TPS. I know now it is beyond me.
